<koziolek>COBOL jest jak kobieta. Należy używać, a nie rozumieć.

"Problem z cytatami w internecie polega na tym, że ludzie w nie wierzą." - Maria Skłodowska-Curie

pojadę do Holandii
wejdę do coffeeshopu
i w końcu będę mógł
SIĘ SPYTAĆ JAK SIĘ WYMAWIA DIJKSTRA!

Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

<michalbe> Jak to się nazywa jak programistka C wpadnie do króliczej nory?
<owca> ??
<michalbe> "Alicja w krainie char'ów".

Yo mamma so fat, she sat on a binary tree and flattened it into a linked list in O(1) time.

Znalezione w przejętym niedawno projekcie:

private function _podzielPrzez100($wartosc) {
return $wartosc / 100.0;
}

Z dokumentacji DataMappera:
Fair warning: Using Boolean, Discriminator, and the time related types as keys may cause your DBA to hunt you down and “educate” you. DM will not be held responsible for any injuries or death that may result.

< Dodek> nawet porównując z C#
< Dodek> c++ to bieganie z nożyczkami w ręku
< Dodek> a java z różowym dildem
< Dodek> mimo to, wolę pisać w javie
< Dodek> bo dildem raczej nie zrobię sobie krzywdy

TASK - To Shoot Yourself In The Foot

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me over there."

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception handling ability.

Cobol
USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM.SQUEEZE RETURN HANDGUN.COLT(45) TO HIP.HOLSTER.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

Basic (interpreted)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your foot is waterlogged and rots off.

Basic (compiled)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.

FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.

APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Unix
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such file or directory
% ls
%

XBase
Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, you'll have to use Clipper.

Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

Revelation
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Visual Basic
You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

Prolog
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.

370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Apple
We'll let you shoot yourself, but it'll cost you a bundle.

IBM
You insert a clip into the gun, wait half an hour, and it goes off in random directions. If a bullet hits your foot, you're lucky.

Microsoft
Object "Foot" will be included in the next release. You can upgrade for $500.

Cray
I knew you were going to shoot yourself in the foot.

Hewlett-Packard
You can use this machine-gun to shoot yourself in the foot, but the firing pin is broken.

NeXT
We don't sell guns anymore, just ammunition.

Sun
Just as soon as Solaris gets here, you can shoot yourself anywhere you want.

Ada
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.

Access
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.

Assembler
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

Modula2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

csh
After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.

dBase
You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually shoot bullets.

PL/1
After consuming all system resources including bullets, the data processing department doubles its size, acquires 2 new mainframes and drops the original on your foot.

Smalltalk, Actor, et al
After playing with the graphics for 3 weeks, the programming manager shoots you in the head.

HTML
<a target="http://body/lower-half/leg/foot.appendage">Shoot
here</a>

Java
The gun fires just fine, but your foot can't figure out what the bullets are and ignores them.

MOO
You ask a wizard for a pair of hands. After lovingly handcrafting the gun and each bullet, you tell everyone that you've shot yourself in the foot.

Smalltalk
You daydream repeatedly about shooting yourself in the foot.

FTP
% ftp lower-body.me.org
ftp> cd /foot
ftp> put bullets

DCL
You manage to shoot yourself in the foot, but while doing so you also shoot yourself in the arm, stomach, and leg, plus you shoot your best friend in the chest, the neighbour's dog and your car. A month later you're not able to understand your program anymore when you read the source.

Windows95
d:\setup

And lest we forget our roots
>shoot self in foot
I don't see any self here.
>shoot me in foot
There is no you in the foot.
>shoot foot
I don't know which foot you're talking about.
>shoot left foot
You don't have the gun.
>get gun
You take the gun.
You're lantern just went out.
You are attacked by grues.

* * * YOU HAVE DIED * * *

firefindernomatches=Niema pasujących elementów
firefinderfilter=Filtrój
firefindertimedout=Timeout. Kliknij aby spróbować jeszcze raz.
firefindercopy=Skopiój
firefindercollapsematcheslist=Oklapńij pasujące wyńiki
firefinderstartautoselect=Zaczńij wybierać kiedy Firefinder jest zaaktywowany
firefinderopenfriendlyfirepageautomatically=Po wysłańu otwóż automatycznie stronę kodu FriendlyFire

// "tłumaczenia" pochodzą z http://code.google.com/p/firefinder/source/browse/chrome/locale/pl-PL/firefinder.properties

Jak już zostało napisane, Mercedes Citaro wyposażony jest w cyfrowy mózg, który połączony jest z monitorem zamontowanym z przodu autobusu. Teoretycznie wyświetla on listę przystanków i godzinę, w praktyce jednak emituje program rozrywkowy dla studentów polibudy, którzy mają niezły ubaw czytając co BIOS ma do powiedzenia kierowcy i dlaczego zainstalowany tam Linux ma kernel panic.

[za nonsenopedią]

<kajt> Dziś na wykładzie prowadzący przeprowadził kolokwium roku!
<kajt> Kto chce 3 wychodzi, no to 60% wyszło
<kajt> i teraz ktoś krzyczy: "a teraz kto chce 5 wychodzi"
<kajt> Siru mówi "kto chce 3,5 wychodzi" ja krzyczę "kto chce 4 wychodzi"
<kajt> wykładowca: "ok kto chce 4 wychodzi" ehh te miny tych co wzięli 3 :D no ale nauczyłem sie na 4

<ona>żeby się tego nauczyć potrzebna jest pamięć fotograficzna
<on>ja mam pamięć fotograficzną....
<on>...tylko z długim czasem naświetlania

"Kwiatek" ze sprawdzianu jednego z moich uczniów. Pytanie o środki stylistyczne.

- Wykrzyknienie [...] rozpoznajemy je po znaku silni stojącym na końcu zdania.